Enough

Here I lie once again, listening to the words of my past and present play over and over in my mind, telling me I’m not enough. Telling me why others are more important, why it’s always poor them, how I’m doing it wrong. It replays the differences between how I’ve been treated compared to others, highlighting my insignificance. They are loud as they repeat, and difficult to ignore.

We all have those days, days where they seem to drown out other things we’d like to think of. No matter how confident someone else appears, I can bet they’ve experienced something similar. Different words, same idea.

As these words are yelling at me I realise quietly in the background I can hear Lauren Daigle’s song “You Say.” It’s been playing probably just as long as these words have, only I couldn’t hear their whisper.

Am I just the sum of every high and every low

Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know.

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing

You say I am strong when I think I am weak

You say I am held when I am falling short

When I don’t belong, oh you say I am yours.

And I believe…

I have had many people in my life tell me I’m not enough, I’m not as good as the next, that what I do isn’t right. I’ve been judged, mocked, and watched people support others ahead of me. These all go together to form a loud choir that feeds my insecurities and this playlist that I would much rather do without.

The world is constantly telling us we’re not enough between the ads that we see and society judging us for what we have or don’t have. Keeping up with the Joneses is something nearly all of us do, though we may not notice, evident in our purchases and where we spend our time and money. How many buy the new phone before the old one needs replacing just because it’s cool and we’re watching everyone get it. Maybe we’re ashamed of our old things. Everything around us seems to amplify these voices that we’re not enough.

But then I hear quiet whisper of this song, words that tell me that I am enough and I am reminded that there is another playlist to listen to.

I am enough. And not only that, I am chosen. Those that spend their days judging me don’t matter, because their words aren’t the truth. Their words are their opinion, and I don’t have to agree with their opinion. In fact there are many who don’t.

The truth is that I matter. The truth is that we are all doing our best and we all have our strengths as well as weaknesses, not just me. The truth is that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).

We are all made different (thank God for that!), and that’s what makes this life beautiful. Our differences should be celebrated and not judged, for they are a part of this Kaleidescape we live in. In reality, I don’t want to be just like those I am being compared to. I was made to be me, and when I don’t get to, my joy is lost. And why would I want to sacrifice my joy just to be accepted by those who don’t actually celebrate who I am?

These words of this song are a powerful reminder of who we actually are: loved, strong, held, chosen. We are created to be these things, not who society dictates we should be. As we are we have been chosen, sought after, and loved.

And so as these voices vie for my attention, I turn from these lies to the truths of who I am, who I was created to be, and focus on giving these words the power they deserve.