“I’ve got this”, “It’s not going to happen to me”, “I deserve it”, “No one will know”, “It doesn’t affect anyone else”.
I’m sure we’ve all told ourselves one of these things at some point, trying to convince ourselves what we are about to do is okay. We are stronger than this person, we will never become like that one. We’ve got it together, unlike them. Or maybe we tell ourselves that our thing isn’t as “bad” as theirs, that it’s more socially acceptable somehow.
Or how about that we deserve it? We’ve worked so hard, we deserve to treat ourselves. And we won’t have too much, just a little bit as a reward or maybe even to take the edge off. We know that’s not going to be the case.
I thought of this one day as I wrestled with a mosquito bite. You get this itch that at times is in your face, all you can think of. You try and ignore it, try to convince yourself not to scratch it. Then you argue with yourself, saying maybe just a bit. You won’t scratch too much, just to take the itch off, you’ll stop. But then you start to scratch and before long you’ve scratched it to the point of breaking the skin and you instantly regret it. This could be anything from porn and alcohol to food or shopping.
Then there’s also the line that no one will know, it’s not hurting anyone. You come to believe that what is hidden stays hidden, that it doesn’t affect those around you. But the reality is that no lie stays hidden forever, it will come to the light at some point, and that any lie or secret in your life will affect your relationship with those around you, those you love.
Or how about that it’s not ruining your life. Anything that has control over you that you cannot walk away from is ruining your life. It’s taking over your thoughts, your spare time, your energy, and robbing your relationships. Whether your addiction is known or secret, it is affecting your loved ones. An addiction that is unknown forms a barrier between you and others, and those that are known being constant worry and concern.
The fact is any addiction has control over you, but not to the point that you can’t overcome it. It’s hard work, fighting it and discerning the lies from the truth. But the truth is you are worth it, worth walking away from the addiction, worth overcoming, worth healing. You have a whole team in your court waiting to help you, to help carry you through.
So make a plan. Come up with ways to walk away when it starts calling your name. Come up with distractions, go outside, explore, get moving. It’s not going to be easy and it’s not going to happen overnight, instead it comes by putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. Some days will feel incredibly difficult and you will be discouraged, while others will seem easy. Starting with a plan will help you when the whispers start to get louder, try to convince you that you need it. But you don’t. You need you to be healthy and whole once again. And I believe you can do it.